Interesting beginnings

So i'm high and determined to try and make better choices in eating.
I'm finding that I eat to fill a void that I can't fill.
and that was never more clear than after I came home from Indiana.
I spent the weekend with an old flame making love and just being together. met one of his daughters and became completely smittin with her,and a little sad that she wasn't my own.
It was amazing and perfect. That whole weekend my eating habits were perfect. food was a second thought, and not even close to a desire. When I got home...
the first thing I did upon coming back from the airport was to eat a disgusting order of McDonalds, well knowing that I didn't want it and that it was infact disgusting.
today two days later I had Thai food with a friend... it was good... but I didn't really want it, or need it.
Right now I know that neiher of us can be in a relationship for a any number of reasons, but I also know that we both care about eachother very much, and talk consistantly. I was afraid that would change after I visited but it hasn't. He knows me so well that it's almost scary.
We have the same learning disability, the same ticks, and for the most part like the same things. And though there are things that he does that I do not agree with, they're things I wouldn't try to change because their part of him. The fact that he's an amazing father is something that has just made me adore him more.

As much as I hate saying it, because i've been down this road before with him, I love him more than anything. I want to be a better person when I'm around him, and he makes me feel... special and cared for. And... I think that if he asked me.... I would find a way to drop everything for him and move to Indiana... as much as I hate that bloody state, being the coastal girl that I am, I love my beaches and peirs... I think that it would be well worth it in the long run. Not being around him...I feel like a piece of the puzzel is missing.

Ok so now i'm completely rambeling so... the long and short of it is that I eat to fill a void.
And I need to learn not to do that and fill that void with something else. Be it art or music... or whatever... maybe he and I will work out in the long run, maybe not.. i'll consult a pshycic or something.... but whenit comes to taking care of me.... at least I have a good starting point to work from.

Later all

Miss J

Rain rain go away

It's been raining for weeks not, and like the weather my diet is not inproving with it.

today I had
a chocolate banana smoothing from starbucks
3 ritz crackers and 1/2/ tsp of peanut butter
a Large fries
and a double quater pounder.
6oz of steak.

yea ugh