Interesting beginnings

So i'm high and determined to try and make better choices in eating.
I'm finding that I eat to fill a void that I can't fill.
and that was never more clear than after I came home from Indiana.
I spent the weekend with an old flame making love and just being together. met one of his daughters and became completely smittin with her,and a little sad that she wasn't my own.
It was amazing and perfect. That whole weekend my eating habits were perfect. food was a second thought, and not even close to a desire. When I got home...
the first thing I did upon coming back from the airport was to eat a disgusting order of McDonalds, well knowing that I didn't want it and that it was infact disgusting.
today two days later I had Thai food with a friend... it was good... but I didn't really want it, or need it.
Right now I know that neiher of us can be in a relationship for a any number of reasons, but I also know that we both care about eachother very much, and talk consistantly. I was afraid that would change after I visited but it hasn't. He knows me so well that it's almost scary.
We have the same learning disability, the same ticks, and for the most part like the same things. And though there are things that he does that I do not agree with, they're things I wouldn't try to change because their part of him. The fact that he's an amazing father is something that has just made me adore him more.

As much as I hate saying it, because i've been down this road before with him, I love him more than anything. I want to be a better person when I'm around him, and he makes me feel... special and cared for. And... I think that if he asked me.... I would find a way to drop everything for him and move to Indiana... as much as I hate that bloody state, being the coastal girl that I am, I love my beaches and peirs... I think that it would be well worth it in the long run. Not being around him...I feel like a piece of the puzzel is missing.

Ok so now i'm completely rambeling so... the long and short of it is that I eat to fill a void.
And I need to learn not to do that and fill that void with something else. Be it art or music... or whatever... maybe he and I will work out in the long run, maybe not.. i'll consult a pshycic or something.... but whenit comes to taking care of me.... at least I have a good starting point to work from.

Later all

Miss J

Rain rain go away

It's been raining for weeks not, and like the weather my diet is not inproving with it.

today I had
a chocolate banana smoothing from starbucks
3 ritz crackers and 1/2/ tsp of peanut butter
a Large fries
and a double quater pounder.
6oz of steak.

yea ugh

OMG cake

5 MINUTE CHOCOLATE MUG CAKE!!4 tablespoons SR flour 4 tablespoons sugar 2 tablespoons cocoa 1 egg 3 tablespoons milk 3 tablespoons oil 3 tablespoons chocolate chips or (optional) A small splash of vanilla extract and your favorite tipple1 really large coffee mugAdd dry ingredients to your largest mug and mix well. Add the egg and mix thoroughly. Pour in the milk and oil and mix well. Add the chocolate chips (if using), vanilla extract and a drop or two of your favorite tipple, then mix again.Put your mug in the microwave and cook for 3 minutes at 1000 watts (high). The cake will rise over the top of the mug, but don't be alarmed! Allow to cool a little, and tip out onto a plate if desired.EAT! (this can serve 2 if you want to feel slightly more virtuous).If your feeling very very naughty, cover liberally in Bailey's Irish Cream. And why is this the most dangerous cake recipe in the world?
Because now you are only 5 minutes away from Chocolate Cake at any time of the day or night!
And too you can clue in your friends to your love of Chocolate Cake

My Dream last night..

His strong but smooth fingertips brushed the wisps of bed tossed hair from my forehead. I smiled at the tenderness of it and the warm sun beaming on my face, telling me that a beautiful new June day had begun. As he leaned over my ear I could feel his warm breath on my cheek smelling of coffee and toothpaste, Time to get up, he said in his sultry morning vocie. it rubbed against me like black velvet, stirring my senses awake. He places a soft kiss on the back of my neck and I can feel the stubble of his chin against my skin. I streach a little and then roll slowly to face him. I look into his dark chocolate eyes, and his warm lips smile against his pale skin. I run my fingers through his Jet hair and greet his smile with my own, and say good morning. Through heavy lidded eyes. My senses we're wild with the nearness of him. It just felt right, like we fit together, that this was like everyother morning in his arms. It felt good to be there. Safe warm, and comforting. His arms were home, and in that moment I new that there was no place in this universe that I would rather be at that very moment.

Oh my..

Today was a landslide of bad habits...

Went to KFC for lunch, after depositing my check in my moms account, and got a 6 piece strip meal with coleslaw and mac and cheese.
Yea.. bad very very bad. To make matters worse after I had eaten the sides and three of the strips, I was stuffed, and still I ate the other three, which made me sick. my own damn fault. I don't know why I don't have an off button. That would be nice. I puzzle myself. It's like, why eat something if you don't really want it? Why eat so much that it makes you sick? Because it's there? Because I'm eating it in the car so that no one can see me? (Yea not sure why I do that either.... I'll get into that another time.) I mean a child in a third world country is not going to die because i didn't eat three pieces of chicken. If I didn't want to throw it out I could have brought it home and saved it, or given it to Matt, or something...

And about an hour ago I ate chocolate pudding, the sugar/fat free instant by Jello which would have been OK had it not been made with condensed milk... which i expect to be paying for intestinaly in about an hour or so.

So yea, food-wise today was not a good day. I really need to try not to eat any more fast food. I know I can, I've done it before.

Lesson learned for the day When your full, stop eating dammit!

-Miss J

Tale of three candies

Snickers, 3 Musketeers, and one fireball.

I ate these three candies in the span of an hour and a half.
It was during our ten minute break that I bought the two candy bars.
Why two you ask... well... I'm not entirely sure myself.. i mean I could of just got one and been fine. but my dollar wouldn't work in the soda machine, but it did in the candy, and wouldn't give me change back so that I could use it in the soda machine, so... i bought a snickers.. I don't know quite how this logic formed in my head, but it made sense at the time.
While walking a total of 15 feet to the elevator and the ride to the 3rd floor I downed the Musketeers bar. When I got into the classroom I ate the snickers bar in like a minute. and then my teacher passed out those red fireballs, you know.. the ones that are super powerful Cinnamon/mini jawbreakers? That lasted me about 45 minutes.. no joke and even though it burned the heck out of my tongue I think I enjoyed it more than the candy bars. I mean, I don't even remember what they tasted like. But the fireball, even though it's not my favorite type of candy... i still enjoyed it. How it got hot and then sweet, how the color came off in layers as you suck on it, how it cleared my sinuses for 30 minutes while I tried to eat it.

Here is the thing that puzzles me. Why do I eat things if I don't intend to enjoy eating them. I mean snickers.. what is there not to like? peanuts caramel nougat and chocolate, I like all those things, but swallowed them whole. It makes absolutely no sense to me that I just downed over 400 calories and didn't stop to taste just one of them. It kinda makes me mad at myself.

If your going to eat something you shouldn't be, you need to take the time to enjoy it, otherwise whats the point?

Lesson learned.

Miss J

Welcome

This in my first offical post on Something Crunchy. Unfortunatly it will be rather uneventful as I don't have a thing to write about aside from my damn allergies and how their giving me a sore throat. bleck. But I will ponder it over a throat losenger tonight and get back to you.

C-ya later! -The Notorious Miss J

Well this should be interesting...

I have two other blogs. One on myspace (which I will never use again after an unfortunate incident) and one on Live journal, which I occasionally update if I feel particualrly desprate at the moment. I have decided to forgo both in lieu of this one. I will not be inviting anyone I know to read this, but if you find it, your more than welcome to partake in the insanity. If you decide to comment, it had best be an appropriate comment as I will not put up with bullshit. Theres is a reason that I put an ADULT rating on this blog. There will be curse words, there will occasionally be explicit themes posted on here. If that offends you in anyway, please leave now.